The rise and rise of HAAi
“Making love to the money I swear the sex great; Kick them hoes out but let the money stay.” – Gucci Mane, Making Love To The Money
Contrary to what Gucci Mane might insist, if you kick the women out, the money won’t stay – yesterday it was reported that he was fined $60,000 for the hurling a woman out of a moving car.
Given that Gucci’s main lyrical obsession is the amount of money in his possession – often gained through drug dealing and just plain robbing people – we wanted to know how much $60,000 was to him. We can only put it in the way that Gucci himself, with his estimated $15m fortune would understand – in terms of material possessions and cold, hard cash.
- “I just bought a brand new, I’m about to run the mile; so sharp it caused an accident, 30 car pile up.” – Gucci Mane, Brand New
Forbes lists the average car in the USA as costing $30,303. Multiplied by thirty, Gucci is asserting that he caused around $909,090 worth of damage. This is before even factoring in the necessary costs of motorway services, insurance fees, medical attention, etc. One suspects that Gucci is stretching the truth here, but if we were to take his words at face value, this means he could have pushed 15 women out of moving vehicles and it would’ve cost less.
- “I’m in my M6 beamer.” – Gucci Mane, Dope Boys
A BMW M6 is around $100,000 new. It might cost less second-hand, but as is well documented, Gucci doesn’t like old cars, he likes brand new. The car can sit four people, so that means he could throw two women out at once and it’d only cost him about twenty grand.
- “Cartier glasses, you see that I got money.” – Gucci Mane, Trap Money
Cartier are pretty expensive. Anybody that saw this ostentatious display of wealth on TV screens earlier in the year can attest to that. Cartier’s US website lists some of their sunglasses at around the $1050, which is actually loads of money but somehow seems like small change in Gucci’s world. We assume Mr. Mane is referring to sunglasses anyway – given the thirty car pile ups, he doesn’t strike us as the sort to wear corrective aids. Either way, he could have bought 57 pairs of glasses for the same cost of pushing a woman out of a moving car.
- “Woke up in the mornin’, fuckin’ bought a yellow Aston Martin.” – Gucci Mane, Lemonade
We’re not sure what type of Aston Martin he’s referring to, but Auto Car lists the V8 Vantage model as costing £100,500, which is around $164,000, which is a lot to spend first thing in the morning. He could afford to chuck someone out of a car twice and still have money to burn for the price of this.
- “Vacation in Miami, they say I’m swag surfin’; See I’m a classy nigga, a thousand dollar curtains” – Gucci Mane, Reckless
A return flight from Atlanta, Georgia to Miami is around the $650 mark if you go first class, according to Expedia. The curtains, as said, cost $1000, but at least they’re classy. What’s the value of this in relation to Gucci’s most recent charge? 92 first class return flights to Miami, or 60 sets of curtains.
- “So much cash on me you think I robbed an armored truck.” – Gucci Mane, Spread The Word
Depending on the client, an armoured truck carries anything between $50,000 to $500,000. Given his insistence that this much money is ‘on him’, he could probably have afforded to pay the victim off in the court house there and then, if he’d bothered to turn up.
“Ten bricks on my Bart Simpson.” – Gucci Mane, Hold That Thought
One brick of cocaine will cost $40,000 to $50,000. Multiplied by ten, Gucci is spending nearly half a million dollars on his infamous necklace. If we were to put a monetary value to the mental and physical anguish of pushing a woman out of a moving vehicle, then it’s a mere 1/8 of the cost of this ridiculous item of jewellery.
- “Gucci all red so he shittin’ on the infants. He shittin’ on the infants, Gucci all red man, these shoes $450.” – Never Too Much Money
Gucci Mane isn’t the first person in the hip hop world to have allegedly used a minor as a toilet, but we’re not sure how this links into the $450 shoes, other than through some kind of mental ADHD. Given that Gucci admits that he doesn’t like old shoes, we can assume that he must change his shoes on a daily basis (as an aside, this also means that he’s not wearing the shoes in – surely the man’s heels must be torn to shreds by blisters?) In a week, that means he spends $3150. So the $60,000 fine is roughly 19 week’s worth of shoes.