Dogs doing lists #10: Postcards from Amy Winehouse
- Dogs easing a wizened Amy Winehouse into a wicker wheelchair and gently steering the great-great-great-grandmother to take the sea air along the shores of Morecambe Bay.
- Dogs descending from a flying motorcycle and gently placing an infant Amy Winehouse on the steps of 4 Privet Drive.
- Dogs tapping a foot and singing, “They tried to make me go to rehab,” as the universe collectively demands, “FREEZE,” and a troop of science heroes emerges from an inter-dimensional portal to manually add AND I DID AND I AM NOW WELL to the lyrics hanging suspended in the air.
- Dogs gushing, “Isn’t it ADORABLE??” and holding high a copy of the Sun featuring on its cover a photograph of Amy Winehouse performing an act of shocking perversion upon the enthused person of Prince Harry, as a milling crowd coos, “Awwww…”
- Dogs surveilling Amy Winehouse through a spacetime transmitter as she punts down the River Cam into a pristine Autumn sunset, and shedding a single tear as Being supplies “What A Wonderful World” as a spontaneous soundtrack.
- Dogs basking in resplendent petrification as Amy Winehouse’s sublimely persuasive argument before the Oxford Union in favor of the proposition This House Believes That Every Work of Art Is a Work of Perfect Necessity shatters the illusion of material existence.
- Dogs leafing through Amy Winehouse’s diary and reading aloud, astonished, to an empty room, “Rude thoughts about Prince William: 22…?!”
- Dogs placing Amy Winehouse’s beehive weave atop the hapless head of Boris Johnson, and sending him teetering off on his bicycle to fight crime.
- Dogs recalling somberly before a reflecting pool, “It was the morning of the twenty-third of July, and over the vale of Anduin the Sun was rising above the eastern shadow, and the southwest wind was blowing. She lay dying on the Pelennor Fields.”
- Dogs sobbing quietly as Amy Winehouse whispers, “Back to black,” and spirals desperately out into the void, out of existence, and across the universe.
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